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Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Monday, August 18, 2014
Monday, August 11, 2014
The devalue of the African American life.
The devalue of the African American life.
First let me say I apologize if you find this blog offensive,
my way of thinking is a little different than most.
I understand that from the beginning we were never respected
or treated with respect, along the way we had an army of people from all ethnicity
who helped fight for the rights we have today. It’s sad and clear that the
human life no longer seems anything of value to most individuals, I really can’t
even comprehend the mindset of most today and I no longer try to. I've learned
life is really about simply learning to live together with people whose views
and thinking our very different from our own.
I wish that my community would get back to the building up
of our people. Are you apart of the programs that help young unwed mothers? Are you encouraging and showing inner city youth that there is more to the world and on the tips of their fingers if they strive for greatness?
Seems like somewhere down the line some of us made it up and out
of neighborhoods, while you can never forget from you came from we just never
went back to revisit or do the work that is needed to help our people. We can
fight for acceptance or work on helping create individuals who you won’t mind
being around. I've heard the comment many times “I can only do my people in
small dozes” or “I don’t go around certain groups of people”.
It’s clear the negative image outweighs the positive image
of African Americans. At times as I
scroll down my Facebook I see the countless videos of the fighting and other
really sad behavior. I’m aware of
websites that also promote destructive behavior for entertainment purpose, I’m
aware of those who have sold out on reality TV for a pay check. These are the
images that our communities are taking in; people who have really huge voids
who can’t determine between entertainment and reality, they are the ones being
filled with these negative images. These images for the common person are seen
as fun and light and unaware of the underline harm that is not caught by the
average eye.
I am a person who believes in the power of mentor-ship, while
I've been able to experience some really great things and traveled a lot of
places and meet some amazing people it was your typical “everyday” women who
had a great influence over me when the world had a hold on me. I've spoken
countless times about having really difficult years, years that were plagued
with hurt and pain and sometimes made me unpleasant to be around. I contribute my turn around to individuals within
my community, those involved in rites of passage programs, individual dedicated
to instilling values within the youth to create productive members of society. Too
many of us are OK with bashing and arguing with the opposition instead of attacking
and working on the negative images that hunt us. These same videos and other images we are seeing means others
outside of our communities are seeing, while we know no one person represents
everyone for someone else constantly seeing only negative images would reflect
a negative view on everyone. This issue is so deep and complex there can be
many ways to address this issue but the point of my post was to simply say
someone cannot find value in what they do not respect. At times I feel we
failed our ancestors who suffered and endured for us to live today, those that
became before us were about the people; today we must ask what are we about?
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Oh no I'm human: Why I'm happy about a 299 viral load!
Yesterday was a blessing, my viral load is 299!
I bet you are asking or anyone who is living with HIV/AIDS
is probably thinking I’m crazy and this is no big deal and I shouldn't be
seeking praise for this.
(which I’m not, just
think we should celebrate some good news)
For me this is the first time in a long time I've been able
to be back on track with my medical treatment. I'm sharing this for anyone who may have fallen off of seeking care and adhering.
We all face hard times and sometimes get off track but its about making sure we don't stay off track.
For a while life was just running me over and I slightly checked out in a few areas.
We all face hard times and sometimes get off track but its about making sure we don't stay off track.
For a while life was just running me over and I slightly checked out in a few areas.
First I was no longer considered disabled by the state of
Nevada, which also meant I lost my state cover insurance. Since I was a child
being cover by the state was all I had known. For months I was searching for help
on where to go to get coverage at times it seemed like I was running around in
circles. Talking to all different groups
in Las Vegas with some not knowing where to direct me for sign up for the programs.
(Which to me is crazy because if you are not offering something you should be
able to direct people where to go but I digress). When I did find programs
because of my speaking engagements I was making too much and would be dropped
from the programs not soon after signing up.
Now let me explain this: I don’t make millions from events,
I’m able to be paid because I am an educator, but at times there would be
months with no income and at that time I had no other income then my speaking engagements.
When checks did come in sometimes I would be paying bills that were months behind and also would have new bills to pay for. These programs are not designed to
understand that, they only see the lump sum you have at that moment. Even if I
was able have a whole check to myself it still wasn't enough to take of medical
treatment that I needed but it was too much to stay on certain programs. Also as a “business” I was operating wrong, I
started as a child and was a business before knew how to handle my business. I
have not been operating under a foundation nor did I incorporate. I was Individual/sole
proprietor. My business people can understand why this was wrong.
Now I am slowly learning how to properly handle the business
aspect of what I’m doing and its not easy or something you get right over night.
Now when I say life was running me over not only was I
trying to figure out my medical situation I was dealing with loved ones who
were struggling and or out of work. Sometimes one check would go to three
households. There was a time when both I and my sister were out of work and we
had to visit food banks or depend on other family members or our church for
help. Do you know how hard that was? Sometimes asking for help is one of the most difficult things in the world but it was a truly humbling experience.
I refused to sign up for food stamps because I didn't want to be one more government program, nor have to worry about paying anything back. I hate HATE receiving any type of assistance.
I refused to sign up for food stamps because I didn't want to be one more government program, nor have to worry about paying anything back. I hate HATE receiving any type of assistance.
On top off all that I
was ending a 9 year relationship in one of the worst possible ways, the end
came when I found myself in legal trouble due to the unknown illegal activity of
my ex. That's right I got "Phaedraed" Now because I’m not the chick who’s going to take a charge for her man I
spent almost every dim I had on an attorney to make sure the outrages chargers
didn't stick, sorry but I seen to many people be messed over by public defenders.
(Now you have to wait for my memoir to come out for all the details) This is not nothing pretty or cute nor am I boasting or proud about it but its something I went through. On top of that my car ended up going out and paying the money to have it fixed just wasn't a top priority for me also taking the bus all over Las Vegas wasn't something I could at that time mentally handle. So yes I shut ALL the way down for a while, which this also explains a lot about my weight gain. (I'm an emotional eater) So at some point I’m not sure when but my health took a back seat. At the time I didn't think there was anything I could do nor did I know where to turn for help, so I ended up taking a BREAK from the reality of my status. I simply needed to gain my bearings. These last few YEARS have truly been a test and trail but I know through everything it’s helped me gain a closer relationship to God. I also believe this was preparation for what’s to come, what better way to show you how to have an appreciate for an abundance of blessings than to strip you down to nothing?
(Now you have to wait for my memoir to come out for all the details) This is not nothing pretty or cute nor am I boasting or proud about it but its something I went through. On top of that my car ended up going out and paying the money to have it fixed just wasn't a top priority for me also taking the bus all over Las Vegas wasn't something I could at that time mentally handle. So yes I shut ALL the way down for a while, which this also explains a lot about my weight gain. (I'm an emotional eater) So at some point I’m not sure when but my health took a back seat. At the time I didn't think there was anything I could do nor did I know where to turn for help, so I ended up taking a BREAK from the reality of my status. I simply needed to gain my bearings. These last few YEARS have truly been a test and trail but I know through everything it’s helped me gain a closer relationship to God. I also believe this was preparation for what’s to come, what better way to show you how to have an appreciate for an abundance of blessings than to strip you down to nothing?
Now this post isn't about you feeling sorry for me because
that’s not what I want, simply sharing why 299 viral load a blessing was. To once be
told by the Doctor if you keep playing with your medications you’re going to
die, (which I know) but when you’re not playing you simply can’t afford them to being told “looks
like you’ll be undetectable was like a brick house being lifted off my
shoulders. I’m not sure if I was holding the fear of poor health inside this
whole time or the fact I've been walking on faith and finally felt a sense that
everything would be alright in due time.
Everything isn't great but its OK working its self out to be
alright, now I have to go hard with my programs and ideas or just be OK accepting
the bear minimum.
( which we all should know I'm not going to do)
All this was happening over I believe a 3 year period, that's why my viral load was so high. It was at one time over a million.( which we all should know I'm not going to do)
To learn how about viral loads please visit viral-load
I wanted to share this because while I appreciate the love
and support I’m flawed and at times uncomfortable. Social media can make our
lives look awesome but I want to be known for being real and always getting
back up. Plus I don’t want anyone thinking things are just handed to me, I’m
working my butt off in this field to deliver and make things happen that I
believe in.
If any of my reads are having a hard time accessing their medications please check out AIDS Healthcare Foundation Los Angeles-based AIDS Healthcare Foundation (AHF) is a global organization providing cutting-edge medicine and advocacy to more than 200,000 patients in 28 countries. We are the largest provider of HIV/AIDS medical care in the U.S. -
If any of my reads are having a hard time accessing their medications please check out AIDS Healthcare Foundation Los Angeles-based AIDS Healthcare Foundation (AHF) is a global organization providing cutting-edge medicine and advocacy to more than 200,000 patients in 28 countries. We are the largest provider of HIV/AIDS medical care in the U.S. -
Dear Lil Kim
Dear Lil Kim,
Please STOP, stop now!
Now I grew up on Lil Kim and no one can deny we seen a resemblance
between Nicki Minaj and you when she first came out.
( don't believe me just google Lil Kim diss Nicki Minaj and click on images)
The only ones who may deny this are those darn 90’s babies
who love rap but know nothing about the ones who helped paved the way. I’m sure
somewhere down the line you felt disrespected, I’ve heard a few interviews but
I don’t remember the whole story but that’s old news. Also respect is something lost on this new generation anyways.
Wasn't the point of making waves and breaking
down doors so someone else could have a shot? I’m not sure if you know this
about show business there will always be someone new, that doesn’t mean your
work is discredited just means its someone’s else time. Now I’m not die hard Nicki Minaj fan but I can
give respect where respect is due she’s doing her thing, no one can argue on
that fact but what I find to be sad is you still coming for someone who is
paying you NO attention. Haven’t you heard the saying “a queen does not leave
her leave her throne to address peasants”? I would have loved for you to put
out a mixtape where you just did what Kimmy does, just rap. I’m not sure what people in your camp are
telling you but right now this isn’t a good look. You need a friend that behind closed doors
you can vent to because we don’t want to hear you mention Nicki anymore.
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