Oh no I'm human: Why I'm happy about a 299 viral load!

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Yesterday was a blessing, my viral load is 299!

I bet you are asking or anyone who is living with HIV/AIDS is probably thinking I’m crazy and this is no big deal and I shouldn't be seeking praise for this.

 (which I’m not, just think we should celebrate some good news)

For me this is the first time in a long time I've been able to be back on track with my medical treatment. I'm sharing this for anyone who may have fallen off of seeking care and adhering.
We all face hard times and sometimes get off track but its about making sure we don't stay off track.
For a while life was just running me over and I slightly checked out in a few areas.

First I was no longer considered disabled by the state of Nevada, which also meant I lost my state cover insurance. Since I was a child being cover by the state was all I had known. For months I was searching for help on where to go to get coverage at times it seemed like I was running around in circles.  Talking to all different groups in Las Vegas with some not knowing where to direct me for sign up for the programs. (Which to me is crazy because if you are not offering something you should be able to direct people where to go but I digress). When I did find programs because of my speaking engagements I was making too much and would be dropped from the programs not soon after signing up.

Now let me explain this: I don’t make millions from events, I’m able to be paid because I am an educator, but at times there would be months with no income and at that time I had no other income then my speaking engagements. When checks did come in sometimes I would be paying bills that were months behind and also would have new bills to pay for. These programs are not designed to understand that, they only see the lump sum you have at that moment. Even if I was able have a whole check to myself it still wasn't enough to take of medical treatment that I needed but it was too much to stay on certain programs.  Also as a “business” I was operating wrong, I started as a child and was a business before knew how to handle my business. I have not been operating under a foundation nor did I incorporate. I was Individual/sole proprietor. My business people can understand why this was wrong.

Now I am slowly learning how to properly handle the business aspect of what I’m doing and its not easy or something you get right over night.

Now when I say life was running me over not only was I trying to figure out my medical situation I was dealing with loved ones who were struggling and or out of work. Sometimes one check would go to three households. There was a time when both I and my sister were out of work and we had to visit food banks or depend on other family members or our church for help. Do you know how hard that was? Sometimes asking for help is one of the most difficult things in the world but it was a truly humbling experience.
 I refused to sign up for food stamps because I didn't want to be one more government program, nor have to worry about paying anything back. I hate HATE receiving any type of assistance.

 On top off all that I was ending a 9 year relationship in one of the worst possible ways, the end came when I found myself in legal trouble due to the unknown illegal activity of my ex. That's right I got "Phaedraed" Now because I’m not the chick who’s going to take a charge for her man I spent almost every dim I had on an attorney to make sure the outrages chargers didn't stick, sorry but I seen to many people be messed over by public defenders.
 (Now you have to wait for my memoir to come out for all the details) This is not nothing pretty or cute nor am I boasting or proud about it but its something I went through. On top of that my car ended up going out and paying the money to have it fixed just wasn't a top priority for me also taking the bus all over Las Vegas wasn't something I could at that time mentally handle. So yes I shut ALL the way down for a while, which this also explains a lot about my weight gain. (I'm an emotional eater)  So at some point I’m not sure when but my health took a back seat. At the time I didn't think there was anything I could do nor did I know where to turn for help, so I ended up taking a BREAK from the reality of my status. I simply needed to gain my bearings. These last few YEARS have truly been a test and trail but I know through everything it’s helped me gain a closer relationship to God. I also believe this was preparation for what’s to come, what better way to show you how to have an appreciate for an abundance of blessings than to strip you down to nothing?

Now this post isn't about you feeling sorry for me because that’s not what I want, simply sharing why 299 viral load a blessing was. To once be told by the Doctor if you keep playing with your medications you’re going to die, (which I know) but when you’re not playing you simply can’t afford them to being told “looks like you’ll be undetectable was like a brick house being lifted off my shoulders. I’m not sure if I was holding the fear of poor health inside this whole time or the fact I've been walking on faith and finally felt a sense that everything would be alright in due time.

Everything isn't great but its OK working its self out to be alright, now I have to go hard with my programs and ideas or just be OK accepting the bear minimum.
( which we all should know I'm not going to do)

All this was happening over I believe a 3 year period, that's why my viral load was so high. It was at one time over a million.
To learn how about viral loads please visit viral-load

I wanted to share this because while I appreciate the love and support I’m flawed and at times uncomfortable. Social media can make our lives look awesome but I want to be known for being real and always getting back up. Plus I don’t want anyone thinking things are just handed to me, I’m working my butt off in this field to deliver and make things happen that I believe in. 

If any of my reads are having a hard time accessing their medications please check out AIDS Healthcare Foundation Los Angeles-based AIDS Healthcare Foundation (AHF) is a global organization providing cutting-edge medicine and advocacy to more than 200,000 patients in 28 countries. We are the largest provider of HIV/AIDS medical care in the U.S. - 

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