This was passed unto me from a friend, I wish I had read this before my last relationship but when we know better we do better.
I agree with a lot about what is said and somethings I'm not so sure on. It's a a lot but a really good read, hope you enjoy!
The Right Man,
First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking.
Second the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual
basis before it’s made on an emotional one. “What about love? Shouldn't that be
third?” you ask. No, and I’ll tell you why. “The heart is deceitful above all
things about beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jer. 17:9) The heart is
willful and driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally
and intelligently – it just loves to love Therefore, you have to point it in
the right directions: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the
wellspring of life” (prov. 4:23).
Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God,
check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage. Dating exists
not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design
would be friendship, courtship, and then marriage. Friendship is two people
walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing
together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another
exclusively—it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of marriage altar.
It is period of laying a foundation and preparing your life after marriage. But
dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather facts:
1.
Check out the fabric. Is the person mate
material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through
Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable
to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an
important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is
your potential spouse a member of the same family—the family of God? Scripture
if clear on this: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness
and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”
(2 Cor. 6:14). You need to have common interests and values and agree on the
essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the
same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like
interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had
like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom
that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together.
Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be
married and your dreamboat isn’t interested, don’t waste your time. Remember
women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for
a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he’s not looking for
anything serious, take his words seriously. If he’s not going in your
direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.
2.
Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue
you, and Gods hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no
fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says “He who finds a wife finds what is good
and receives favor from the Lord” (Prov. 18:22). Note—who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the
beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order
to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene
and he will find you. In God’s perfect design, the man is the one who
recognizes his mate. Adam had no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing
rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don’t have
to help a guy out because he’s shy! Men will do whatever they have to do to get
what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of
great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain
your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign
that he is not interested.
Many a woman’s mother has suggested that it
is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as
that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: “We
love him because He first loved us” (1 john 4:19). Until then, take the
ultimate chill pill. You don’t need a bunch of men in your life to make you
feel all right about yourself. You need only one man--- your man, the one God
has selected to select you. And trust me; the right man at the wrong time can
be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God’s timing in this.
He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty an allow yourself to be found.
Again, --- WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in
establishing the relationship. You may have inkling that he is the one but God
will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity
to woo you—this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all
men to follow. They should love us first, and they should lead the
relationship.
3.
The man in your life should not desire to move
into your house, only your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made
his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care
of a wife. He is responsible human being who understands he needs to have
something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable
lover for you.
4.
Check out his bubbies. Everyone knows birds of
the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection
between a man and his friends. A man’s pals tell you a lot about the person
that you haven’t seen yet. They reveal things about the guy’s character that
might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best
foot forward. Don’t stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!
5.
Check out his relationship with his mother. How
does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are
lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really
don’t like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son
continue between husband and wife.
6.
Remember that a man’s family reveals the cloth
from which he’s cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the
man in your life to look like his present family situation.
7.
Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see
repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Problems
in making commitments, including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem
always someone else’s fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does
he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments
look wonderful hanging in the store, but
with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the
man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the
right stuff.
8.
Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he
running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam got busy DOING his
assignment. As we saw with Adam, a man doesn’t need help until he is busy doing
what he was created and cailed to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense
of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man
who is not certain of his mission be a most miserable person—and you’ll be
miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life.
A man who has vision is not intimidated by
a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader
and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be
supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of
uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and hold
forever. Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get
the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee
from the smothering burden of obligation associates with you. You want a man
who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for
a man who will be priest and leader in his home. His first instinct should be
to want to cover you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this the man God has ordained
for you to complement.
9.
Complementarily. Do your talents and gifts
complement his? Do his gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do
you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessings to
the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your
gifts in an attractive and effective way? This is why knowing your purpose is
so important. Make sure your heart beat for the mutual causes. When I go
shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my
closet. Will my next purchase be a complementary addition to what I already
have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories
to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. Is it too expensive a proposition.
If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely
reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to consider that
relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually,
emotionally or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to
forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you
are? The man in your life should consider
you as a rare find, a priceless jewel- because of you he is getting
ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel
unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable, or that you have to work for
love , is too expensive! God has called the man to cover, protect and provide
not only materially for woman but emotionally and spiritually as well. You
should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your
dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and
spirit not withdrawals.
10.
Does he
have a healthy love and acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life
has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself.
How he cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man’s relationship with
God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love
for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or
teacher. This is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal
priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is
causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is
leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your
commitment to Christ, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of
your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for ride
that is limited run. If you and your man can’t soar in Spirit, when the force
of your love for one another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world,
your union will not be able to survive. So you decide. How much is your life
worth? How much is your love worth? You
will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth
His life. He now pledges you His love eternity. Yes Jesus sets the example
for all others to follow when he paid a ransom for his bride. Should you expect
less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay
the cost for the hand that they desired. The trust of the matter is, everyone
knows that anything worth having, costs. And no one gets a rider in this life
for free.
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